We've all heard it before. "I'm not cut out to homeschool my kids", "I'd kill my kids by the second day.", "I would homeschool but I think my kids need to be socialized", "Do you have a degree?", "Does the school know you're doing this? Did they give you permission?", "Is it legal to homeschool?", "I need my time or I'll go crazy".......BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Complete strangers demanding answers to such a personal decision, then making snap judgements on how they think the children will turn out. What would they do if the tables were turned and a homeschooling mother grilled them on their decisions to send their child to public school to essentially be raised by strangers and become part of the collective? It's in their best interest that I don't speak the words that are running through my head each time I'm accosted by one of these "all knowing" and "wise" outsiders, for that is what they are to me.
As much as we would love to give a thorough tongue lashing to every single person who feels they know what's best for our children more than we do, it's not always the best way to handle the situation. I have a sharp tongue and speaking my true thoughts and opinions feels natural, however, rarely do I have warm, fuzzy feelings afterward. Remember the movie "You've Got Mail"? Tom Hanks' character teaches Meg Ryan's quirky character to say exactly what she means but then gives her a warning about the terrible feelings that follow. She defends herself and says exactly what she means only to feel awful just moments after. I related to this part of the movie more than the rest only because I have always had the talent of saying what I want and what I mean in the heat of the moment. I have to admit, there have been a few times I have come away feeling victorious but most of the time I feel like a bully. Isn't that exactly how we feel about adults who grill our children about being homeschooled? I do. They are bullies. If they have any questions or feel that they need to express their opinion on the subject, they can always talk to me. Am I being a bully when I put them in their place? In some cases no. In most cases, for me, the answer would be yes. Over the years I have struggled to find the confidence needed to have a rational conversation with those who judge me harshly and have realized I'm not alone in that struggle.
The truth is, we have research and statistics on our side. We only have to prove ourselves to our creator, but He loves us no matter how we choose to educate our children. Often times He is the one who guides us in our parenting choices. With this knowledge, why do we let imperfect human beings effect us so much? I have finally come to a point in my life, where I don't care what others think. As soon as I made that decision, my children were more confident in their education, my abilities as a parent and their abilities to discuss their education with those who pepper them with ridiculous questions.
My 13 year old daughter was at a youth activity at our church. She was talking with some friends and a leader expressed her views on homeschooling mothers and children. She said that a mother who stays home and homeschools her children must not have much to do and probably makes her children do all the work for her so she can keep up with her soaps on TV. My daughter promptly said, "My mother is extremely busy and doesn't even have time for TV. We don't watch TV very often and never during the day. My mother works out of the home and takes us to all of our activities and appointments. I bet she's busier than you." Then another leader, who happens to be a homeschooler, agreed with my daughter saying "Homeschooling mothers are very busy, all the time." My daughter walked away feeling great about defending her mother and confident in our decision to homeschool. The offending leader hasn't said anything about homeschooling since, at least not to my child. I don't think my daughter would have had the confidence in her ability to defend herself against an intrusive adult without knowing I am confident in my abilities as a parent.
Too many of us sabotage ourselves with our inability to see the gifts and talents our Father in Heaven has given us. We don't know how to accept compliments and struggle to allow ourselves to enjoy and agree with those compliments. Our children are watching and learning from us everyday whether they are homeschooled or not. They have learned to walk, talk, play, and even work through observing us. Children learn their how to be adults from their parents, not their schools. Do our children gain character from schools? For the most part, no. If they have parents with character who expect them to have character, they will learn the importance of character.
When my children come to me with troubles regarding their self-esteem, I have tell them what my mother told me "You are who you think others think you think you are." Confusing? Let me put it to you this way; If you think others think your a loser, you will be a loser. Essentially, we are who we think we are. How do we change our way of thinking? We have to start acting as though we are who we want to be. We are a religious family so I tell my children they need to believe God, not just believe in Him, but believe Him. There is a difference. God is perfect and doesn't make mistakes. He created you so you cannot be a mistake. He knows your divine nature and individual worth. Do you know? If you don't, take the time to get to know Him and He will tell you how amazing you are. He will tell you about the beautiful gifts and talents He has bestowed upon you. So, to answer the question that is put forth in the title of this post, yes. Yes, you are cut out to homeschool. Yes, you are capable and strong enough and patient enough. If you don't believe you are, then you're not. Believe in your abilities. Believe in your divine nature and individual worth. Believe in the worth and nature of your children.
There is a philosophy that teaches whatever you put out into the world will come back to you ten fold. I believe this to be true. Is it karma? I don't think so. If we fill our minds with negative thoughts about ourselves we will put out negativity and negativity only reaps more negativity. Have you ever been in a grouchy mood and vented to a friend about another person? Unless your friend is really good at putting our positivity, your friend probably joined in on the negative rampage and probably said a few negative things about the person you were venting about. The next time you see that person you both get even more irritated with them because the last time you talked about them you only focused on the negative. Then the next time you get together with your friend you both have to vent about how annoyed you were at the sight of the other person. It's a vicious cycle that only stops when you allow yourself to see the positive. I know it's difficult to see find the positive in those who drive us insane. But, it is even more difficult to see the positive in ourselves. Start there. Pray to see yourself through the Savior's eyes. Seek out that which is good and you will find good.
I would love to hear some of your experiences with combating the negativity that we all run into. As homeschooling parents, we can sometimes allow the negative comments and actions of others interfere with the positive things we are doing with our children. Let's not give negativity that kind of power. You are strong, homeschooling is not for wimps and you chose to homeschool.
I know this post was a little more serious than usual. I have just heard so much negativity coming from some of the wonderful homeschooling parents I know. We don't have to listen to it. We can shut it out and continue on the path we know is best for our family. Seek out the positive and choose to be happy in your life, where you are, right now.
Happy homeschooling!
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